Friday, March 14, 2008

LET'S GET POLITICAL

Like most people I'm a bit of an armchair political quarterback. How my favored (I won't say favorite since he's no longer running) candidate is screwing up his campaign is a frequent source of frustration for me. Why? Because I want my guy to win. So, I've started a diary on DailyKos to vent my spleen and demonstrate my political genius. In particular, I'm obsessed with how politicians "frame" their positions and manipulate the public debate.

Anyway, I've also decide to reprint those diary entries here. Beware! They get a tad longwinded and wonky.

Obama: The best offense is an offense.

Back during the Kerry/Bush face off of 2004, David Mamet wrote a brilliant essay on why Democrats lose to Republicans. His basic premise was that Democrats don't know how to play poker.

He went on to explain that Democrats are like an overly cautious card player, one who never takes the initiative. So, when they are finally dealt an unbeatable hand and bet boldly they send a signal to their opponents that it's time to fold. All their careful strategizing, all their caution end up yielding them nothing; a pot too small to offset their losses.

Mamet wrote:


The Republicans, like the perpetual raiser at the poker table, became increasingly bold as the Democrats signaled their absolute reluctance to seize the initiative.

John Kerry lost the 2004 election combating an indictment of his Vietnam War record. A decorated war hero muddled himself in merely "calling" the attacks of a man with, curiously, a vanishing record of military attendance. Even if the Democrats and Kerry had prevailed (that is, succeeded in nullifying the Republicans arguably absurd accusations), they would have been back only where they started before the accusations began.


This is what Obama is doing in his responses to HRC's talk of his being her VP, of his being untested. Debating the issue logically will not win votes. Say, "I'm not running for Vice President" will not convince Joe Pennsylvania or Jane Indiana.

Those are defensive reactions. The man has nothing to defend. Yes, the facts are plain, but by feeling you must restate them as evidence of your legitimacy is to merely "call" HRC's bluff.


Control of the initiative is control of the battle. In the alley, at the poker table or in politics. One must raise. The American public chose Bush over Kerry in 2004. How, the undecided electorate rightly wondered, could one believe that Kerry would stand up for America when he could not stand up to Bush? A possible response to the Swift boat veterans would have been: "I served. He didn’t. I didn’t bring up the subject, but, if all George Bush has to show for his time in the Guard is a scrap of paper with some doodling on it, I say the man was a deserter."

Even if Obama wins the debate (one that is, on the face of it, absurd) he only ends up back where he started. If he loses even a the slightest ground, well, that's Hillary's gain.

The point is to dismiss the remark with humor, grace and cutting intelligence. The point is to reframe the conversation.

Now, I do not claim to possess the gift of gab but Obama might try something along the lines of:
"If Hillary would like to join me on the ticket, I'd be happy to consider her application for VP. But I should probably check her credentials. I learned a long time ago that saying you're qualified isn't quite the same as being qualified."


Only he should say it prettier.

Unfortunately, I think Obama is missing some of the point of HRC's VP comments. Yes, she wants to con a few voters into believing that by voting for her they can get two for the price of one. But she's also laying the tracks for a Super Delegate coup.

See, if she can create a narrative that forces Obama to defend his frontrunner status, she creates doubt about that status. And so, if she can convince super delegates to cast their lot with her no matter what the final numbers say, she gives her ascension more legitimacy.

It's perverse but it's very much in-line with the Swift Boat attacks. The damage was done when Kerry was forced to defend the obvious: that he was a war hero and Bush was not. Here, Clinton is forcing Obama to defend his frontrunner status while she acts like the frontrunner.

Obama, you must reframe the conversation. Show pity that she would stoop to such desperate measures. Question her sanity. Raise the stakes and bet boldly. But, please oh please stop defending yourself.

BTW, here's the Mamet piece in full: http://tribes.tribe.net/...

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

COMCAST COCKBLOCKS NET NEUTRALITY

I know most people don't care. or don't get it. But the concept is simple. Net neutrality ensures that access to websites will remain equal. Otherwise companies like Comcast can reduce speeds in favor of whatever issues they want to advance or, more likely, whoever pays them.

Don't think it's true. Read here how they attempted to stifle debate on the issue.

It's pretty illustrative of what they could do if, say, Barack Obama wasn't friendly enough to their interests.

You should care. Support the EFF.
THIS JUST IN: THE FLINTSTONES WAS A DOCUMENTARY

So what's the first thing to come to mind when I say, "home schooling."

If you said "crazy christians" you go on to our bonus round.

But why believe me on this? Check out the blue ribbon winner at this Minnesota home school science fair. Yep, it was held in a mall.
Choice quote: “One thing is for sure, a lot of learning has gone on this week.”
OH SHIT, I'M A BUTTERHEAD

Courtesy my bestest pal Jeff. Nipple Nipple!


Sarah, Sarah, Sarah...

Okay, in case you've got dial up or were recently in a coma, here's the latest YouTube sensation, "I'm F*%$king Matt Damon."

Don't you wish we could talk those "curse" symbols?


Sunday, February 24, 2008

EXACTLY!!!

Message to Ralph Nader...


Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Fred ScorseseStone

Courtesy my friend, Steffen. I only wish they made a whole film like this.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

FUNNY ENOUGH TO STEAL...

...well, maybe borrow.

On Daily Kos there's an amusing blogger who goes by the moniker bill-in-portalnd-maine, who writes a cloumn called "from The Great State Of Maine." He recently ran this post which made me chuckle my ass off. Visit Kos and read him directly when you can, okay? It'll make me feel better about lifting this wholesale.

[Beep!] Hello, this is Barack Obama reminding you to come out and caucus for me on Sunday. Together we can bring hope and change to America. Thank you.

[Beep!] Hello, this is Hillary Clinton. If you agree that we need a new direction in America, please caucus for me on Sunday. I have the experience needed to hit the ground running on day one. Thank you.

[Beep!] Hi, Barack again. Did Hillary just call you? Look, she and I were friends before the primary season and we'll be friends after. But right now she's just acting crazy, understand? Vote for me and I may let you stand next to me at my inauguration.

[Beep!] Hillary here. Barack's feeding you a line 'o crap and he knows it. Not only will I let you stand next to me at my inauguration, but I'll give you the cabinet position of your choice. You have to admit, that's pretty sweet. Love ya!

[Beep!] Hey, it's Barack. Love ya more. Wanna be my VP?

[Beep!] Oh, he's not gonna make you vice president and he knows it!

[Beep!] Will too!

[Beep!] Will not!

[Beep!] This is Chelsea Clinton. Have you seen my mom or my dad? I'm supposed to be at a rally with 'em but there's no one here. Today's Nebraska, right?

[Beep!] Hi, this is Oprah. Despite what the Clinton campaign says, I am not going to crush your skull between my thighs if you don’t vote for my man Barack. That would let you off too easy! Hint hint.

[Beep!] Hi, Barack again. That wasn't Oprah. That was Hillary pretending to be Oprah. You see how these people work? I think it's... Oh, wait, it was Oprah. Never mind. Vote for me!

[Beep!] Hi, this is Chuck Norris. I'm hiding behind your bathroom door, and as soon as you come in to pee I'm gonna break every bone in your Defeatocrat body. I'll start with your femurs.

[Beep!] Hi, this is Mike Gravel. Chuck's hanging by his underwear from a hook on the back of your bathroom door. The police are on their way. Wish I could stay but I've gotta stop a meteor that's hurtling toward Earth. Have a nice pee.
Yes We Can / John He Is / No You Can't

So, this is why the Internet is so great. Inspiration leads to more inspiration leads to something a little less inspired but still pretty damn amusing.

So, Barack Obama's "Yes We Can" speech (which was pretty damn good) inspired Black Eyed Peas frontman will.i.am to create a surprisingly effective celebrity-filled music video where Scarlett Johansson sings ...along with others. (Who knew Scarlett could sing?)

Jesse Dylan (son of Bob) shot the thing and you can watch it here...



The video then spawned john.he.is a brilliantly funny take-off how John McCain's speeches are, well, not just unispiring but anti-inspiring. See it here...



This being the Internet, however, the story doesn't stop here. Yet another take-off has emerged entitled "No, You Can't," which isn't quite as inspired as john.he.is but still lands some good gut punches.



It'll be interesting to see how far this goes...

Thursday, February 07, 2008


THE CANDIDATES - CARTOON STYLE

The Washington Post has a terrific series of videos about how editorial cartoonist John Kascht comes at his portraits and his impressions of the various candidates. They ring strikingly true.

I loved the "the porridge candidate" comment about Hillary and his observations on Obama's air of condecension.

Check it out here.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

HILLARY'S SONG

So, Hillary Clinton (who I sincerely hope doesn't win the Democratic nomination) has picked 'When The Lady Smiles' by Golden Earring as her campaign song, playing it at rallies. The chorus goes...

"When the lady smiles,
I can't resist her call,
As a matter of fact,
I don't resist at all."

I can see why they were drawn to it. Although IMO it sounds vaguely Orwellian. What they didn't seem to realize is that the lyrics continue to say...

When the lady smiles, you know it drives me wild,
Her lips are warm and resourceful
My friends tell me, she's the beast inside your paradise."

Christian fundamentalists should have a field day with that one.

What is it with politicians? They pick songs for a snippet of lyric here or there but understand nothing of context. It really makes you question they're ability to legislate. Doesn't nuance matter?

Hillary's choice makes about as much as sense as Reagan's use of Springsteen's "Born In The USA" --a criticism of the country's involvement in Vietnam, the poor treatment of its soldiers, and the hopelessness of its veterans.

To make matters worse, here's the video for Golden Earring's charming little ditty... sexual assault on a nun intact.




Full disclosure: I was obsessed with Golden Earring's "Twilight Zone" and "Radar Love" as a teen.

I LOVE HALF LIFE

The geek in me sometimes comes roaring back.

Half-Life is a first-person shooter video game and, man, I was addicted. Anyway, the game has fansites where devotees of the game write their own fiction using game characters, situations and settings. No, I've never been to one of these sites. I can be geeky but I'm pretty far from pathetic. I've actually kissed a girl. Heck, I even married one.

Anyway, here is a terrific video created to illustrate a 9 year-old's Half-Life fan fiction.

Want a taste before you commit? Here's an excerpt from this brilliantly written story:

"Here John Freeman saw the first monster because the cop was posessed and had headcrabs. "I cant give you my lisense officer" John Freeman said "Why not?" said the headcrab oficer back to John Freeman. "Because you are headcrab zombie" so John Freeman shot the oficer in the head and drove off thinking "my brother is in trouble there" and went faster."

I HATE GUM

Always have. Always will. I hate finding it under benches and tables. I hate stepping in it on a hot summer sidewalk. I hate the sickly pink, nauseated green or diseased white/gray look of it. I've only ever had it in my mouth once (I tried it once when I was eight) and judging from my son's aversion to it, my distaste must be genetic.


So, in celebration of this thing I so casually despise I bring you chewing gum sculptures. Check out the site here.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

YOU WOULDN'T LIKE ME WHEN I'M ANGRY...

A list of sites that offer completely useful (but ever-so amusing) information.

1- Every reason why David Banner turned into Lou Ferigno...er... the Hulk.

2- The Gay Bomb and other weird science stuff you don't know about.

3- Shoot paintballs at the presidential candidates here. I played as John Edwards (my candidate of choice) and kicked all their asses. Of course, the game was made before Huckabee rose in the polls so maybe version 2.0 will present more of a challenge.

4- Ten sodas that no longer exist. You must be REALLY bored to click this link.

5- Interested in buying the worst wax sculptures in the world? Today's your luck day.
BECAUSE

I really have no justification for liking this short film. I just do. It's not particularly unique but it is effective.

Happy Anniversary

Thursday, January 10, 2008

SHADOW PUPPETS

As a kid I'd spend hours on end in my bed (when I supposed to be sleeping) listening on the transistor radio to CBS Mystery Theater while practicing shadow puppets on my ceiling with a flashlight. I got pretty good but, man-oh-man, nothing like this guy. Check it out. It's quite wonderful...

Thursday, January 03, 2008

Eight Percent of My Love

God, if chicks only understood. A man's only got so much love to give.

(Sorry about the quality. It was the best I could find.)

Saturday, December 29, 2007

"THEY MUST BE DOUCHEBAGS"

More on the writer's strike and why you should support it...




One of the weirdest thing for me has been listening to everyday people express anger at the writers, calling them greedy while defending huge multi-billion dollar companies... because they're... what?... working so hard to feed the poor and establish peace on Earth. Bizarre.


SUPPORT THE WRITER'S STRIKE

Stories from the front line.

"We will overcome!"



BTW, if you don't understand what the writers are fighting for, here's a good primer:


Friday, December 21, 2007

SIMPLY EXQUISITE

sent to me from my friend Steffen, a critic in Prague.

Thursday, December 20, 2007


THE U.S. MAKES THE HIGHEST QUALITY RUBBER VOMIT


It's true. Accept no imitations. Read about it here.

(This one's for you, Jeff)
SOMETIMES COMMERCIALS ARE... WELL, COOL

Okay, I'm a sucker for this JC Penny commercial. What can I say? It speaks to the misfit nerd in me.




Now, this Honda commercial totally rocks. I know they did it with CGI but it's just cool imagining that someone spent the time setting up this contraption.


ATTACK OF THE PARASITES!

Wonderful mash up of government health films. Brilliant!

TRUTH IN ADVERTISING

I saw these first two a couple of years back and oh-so loved them. The third is a British take and equally brilliant. During this season of sales remember, all these festively decorated stores care about is your money.




Sorry about the resolution. I couldn't find a better copy on YouTube.




Feel the rush. Cure the rash.


PICKLE SURPRISE

Sent to me by my best buddy Jeff. I don't know if I'm more tickled or disturbed by this bizarre commercial. All I know is that not enough commercials employ transvestities.


Wednesday, December 19, 2007

SAUDI ARABIA AND OIL

The Kingdom was a Jamie Foxx war/action thriller released this past August. I was not a fan. You can read my review here. Nevertheless, the film's opening credits featured a boffo animated retelling of Saudi Arabia's oil history. Plus the music is terrific. It's concise, fascinating stuff.


Click on the YouTube video below and you can skip the tiresome 2 hours that follow.


THE BEATLES DO STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN

...in that oh-so Beatle-esque way. Probably one of the best music/video mashups I've ever seen.


Tuesday, November 06, 2007

QUICK VIDEO LINKS WORTH SEEING

1. Keith Olbermann lays an incredible smackdown on the Bush Administration's stance on
torture. Necessary viewing!

2. Obama kept Stephen Colbert off North Carolina's presidential ballot?

3. Eight-limbed girl undergoes surgery.

Monday, October 08, 2007

THE EMO HAIKU GENERATOR


darkness surrounds me
God hates me, I hate god back.
Tell me why I tried.


Express yourself here.
AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER

The stuff of nightmares...
DREAMS DO COME TRUE

Ah, if only I had a supportive family like this.

Question Of The Day: Did God give you a nice juicy tushy?

Garrison Keillor:

Folksy Mark Twain wannabe or Prince of Darkness?

You make the call...

-Dan Savage has some choice words for Keillor's view of marriage... which he no doubt fashioned from years of failure and infidelity.

-Keillor takes on a sweet-faced Ho. More here.

-Keillor goes after the Republican party... then offers an apology.

-Keillor: healthcare and the war.

-The hatemongers perspective.

-Slate HEARTS Garrison.

-Keillor's terrific essay: The Poetry Judge.

Please feel free to weigh in in the comment section.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

OUR BOOMER PARENTS DID ALL THE DRUGS, HAD ALL THE SEX AND SHOPPED AT JC PENNY'S WHEN IT WAS COOL

and all we got was AIDS, Nancy "Just Say No" Reagan and stores filled with Cabbage Patch Kids. Gee, thanks Mom and Pop.

See more grooviness here.
TODAY'S SCARY NEWS STORY:
REFUSE TO TEACH CREATIONISM, GET FIRED!

"I'm just a little bit shocked myself that a college in good standing would back up students who insist that people who have been through college and have a master's degree, a couple actually, have to teach that there were such things as talking snakes or lose their job," Bitterman said.

Read about it here.
OUR BASTARD COULD LEARN A THING OR TWO
FROM THEIR BASTARD

Say what you will about Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (and much of it is well deserved), at least the guy has the balls to take questions from a hostile audience. When you consider that 'ol George Bush refused to let anyone that wasn't a die-hard Republican attend one of his town hall meetings or campaign speeches you begin to realize what an arrogant, insecure pussy our commander-in-chief really is.

I mean, his cult... er... supporters actually escorted people out if they had bumper stickers on their car that didn't jibe with BushCo politics. Can you even imagine Georgie Boy allowing himself to listen to a comment like: "Mr. President, you exhibit all the signs of a petty and cruel dictator"?

All that aside, it was good to see Ahmadinejad and his caveman view of the world put up to ridicule. Read about it here.

Best quote:

"In Iran we don't have homosexuals like you do in your country. In Iran, we do not have this phenomenon. I do not know who has told you that we have it."
WHAT DOES THE POOL BOY HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THE FIRST FAMILY?
Read here.

BUT DID YOU EVER THINK THAT MAYBE
ALIENS ARE JUST PLAIN ANTI-SEMITIC?




Tuesday, September 18, 2007

I LIKE THIS. A LOT.



Wednesday, August 29, 2007

WHAT TEENAGE GIRLS SHOULD ASPIRE TO...

Apparently we need more maps to identify "The Iraq" and help people in South Africa. Which is so, you know, freakin' cool.


ALBERTO, WE HARDLY KNEW YE...



Monday, August 13, 2007













TALES OF CORPORATE DOUCHE BAGGERY
  • Thinking of shoplifting? Try Home Depot.
  • It's not CompUSA's fault you were stupid enough to think something was in the box.
  • Okay, gathering crash data I kinda get. But what about all the other stuff (seatbelt usage, speed, etc) corporations will have access to? I'm sure that won't be reflected in your insurance premiums.
  • Corporations: is the fact that they attract psychopaths the chicken or the egg?
  • Company sues Google for libel because "it's too much work to figure out who was actually responsible."
  • Made In China = Take Your Life In Your Own Hands


WALMART'S CONTINUED CAMPAIGN OF EVIL

NOT SURE WHERE THE CANDIDATES STAND ON ISSUES?

Check out this handy-dandy chart.
You know, reduced to a simple set of facts they all pretty much suck.

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

CLIFF & DOUGY SCHECTER = ADOLF HITLER

A SKULL A DAY...

...will probably get you on the "no fly" list.


This is one nifty blog. Every day they post a skull image. Some are simply amazing... like this "bar of skull."


THE SIGNS, THEY ARE UPON US

I love stuff like this... photo mashups of signs. Some made me laugh out loud.


Check out the rest here.
FREEDOM IS UNDER ATTACK

"If they come for your freedom, you must not only resist, you must strike back with a vengeance that will stun them. "




It's not a conspiracy theory or hypothetical. It's very real and very near. Corportions and politicians are already drafting laws to restrict the net.

The Internet is an incredible tool for human expression and connectivity. It is pathetically ironic that the country that screams loudest about "freedom" is doing everything it can to restrict one of the greatest tools for freedom to come along since the printing press. Support net neutrality!

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

IRAQ: Yup that's about it...





Friday, July 27, 2007

DO NOT TAUNT HAPPY FUN BALL

I love this...


Thursday, July 26, 2007

MOVIE REVIEW

The Simpsons Movie
B+

After 18 years and 400 episodes (and an endless parade of merchandise tie-ins), The Simpsons makes its multiplex debut, forcing even walnut-brained Homer to acknowledge the screamingly obvious, “We’re paying for something we can get on TV for free!”

Hence the big question: Can The Simpsons Movie, even with its enhanced animation, justify its own big screen existence? The short answer: Sorta. Given that the long-running cartoon can indulge in any plot its talented writers can imagine (and network standards allow), it’s a daunting task to create something wholly original and cinematic. And though the short (86 minutes) and breezy film is predictably clever, occasionally brilliant and unfailingly entertaining it still feels very much like an elongated episode.

Which is the best way to sum up The Simpsons Movie; consider its three acts as separate episodes (though they all feed a single story). For its first half hour, we’re in classic fourth or fifth season territory. There’s a joke every few seconds (and several more in the background) as clever sight gags and hilarious asides zip from one marvelously funny set piece to the next. Slapstick violence, self-referential one-liners and bits about closet homosexuality, Hillary Clinton, Christian moralizing, senility, and Fox TV come fast and furious. The sheer density of brash wit and irreverence is breathless to behold.
Once the second act plot mechanics kick in, however, the punch lines are fewer and farther between. Conflict and exposition slow things down and though there are a few inspired moments — especially Bart’s skateboard ride through Springfield — the movie loses the furious zing of its opening. Instead, each member of the family (except Maggie, of course) gets his or her own subplot, allowing their stories to weave together in ways the 22-minute television show could never achieve. The movie trades big laughs for greater emotional connection between its characters as Bart’s quest for a more attentive father and Marge’s doubts about her marriage produce some surprisingly moving moments. Hearing Homer admit, “I just try and make the day not hurt until I can crawl back into bed with you,” is a line worthy of the sweetest romantic comedy.

When the final act of the film finally roles around, The Simpsons falls into a tug of war between standard-issue comedy and the need to neatly wrap things up. Valuable lessons are learned, set-ups cleverly pay off and Homer once again saves Springfield from a calamity only he could create. At its end, The Simpsons Movie feels very much like a Simpsons episode, even if Marge yells “Goddamn!” and Otto takes a hit off his bong.
You'd think a PG-13 rating would liberate the show's writers, allowing them to venture into risqué territory without fear of network censors. Truth is, The Simpson Movie indulges in the verboten exactly three times: The aforementioned drug reference and profanity at its finale and an earlier bit of nudity (which provides one the movie’s biggest laughs).

This overly modest exploitation is what keeps The Simpsons Movie from truly rising to the occasion. It’s not that it isn’t funny, it’s that it’s funny in a familiar way; 18 years familiar. Most audience members are accustomed to the show’s innovative tone and style and this, unfortunately, dulls its comedic edges. The movie squanders an opportunity to land some outrageous punches and, perhaps, push the venerable cartoon into new territory ala' South Park: Bigger, Longer And Uncut. Unlike Parker and Stone, who used the success of their filthy big screen debut to breathe profane (and musical) life into their weekly show, The Simpsons Movie is too timid and self-aware. Heck, even the opening Itchy And Scratchy cartoon has less bite than many primetime episodes. If that isn't call for a resounding chorus of "D’Oh," I don't know what is.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

NET NEUTRALITY NINJA STYLE

Here is the best explanation I've heard so far. He lays for you why you should support this and oppose all legislation that favors corporate dominance. Please, email your Congressmen and Senator. Tell them you support net neutrality and expect them to do likewise!


Monday, July 23, 2007

Generation: Chickenhawk

As I suspected, College Repubs are a bunch of selfish, unpatriotic whimps who are more than willing to send others to fight for their right to party. Oh, and they're also repressed homosexuals. Pathetic.





Okay, in entertainment news... JJ Abrams has some top secret movie coming out in January that they don't even have a title for yet. Before the screening of Transformers (I gave it a B-) they ran this trailer. I'm hooked.

BTW whaddaya think of the new design? Comments welcomed.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

MAC VS PC

I love this almost as much as I hate the real commercials (even though I adore John Hodgeman)



Wednesday, July 18, 2007

FROM THE OTHER JEFF

Jeff Sherwood is the brother I never had (or killed in the womb before birth). Anyway, he sends me all sorts of anecdotes, links and Internet oddities. This was the latest:

I usually don't send out these kinds of stories but this modern-day Aesop's Fable is particularly poignant:

In 1986, Mkele Mbembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from college. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.

The elephant seemed distressed so Mbembe approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot, and found a large thorn deeply embedded in it.

As carefully and as gently as he could, Mbembe worked the thorn outwith his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down itsfoot.

The elephant turned to face the man and with a rather stern look onits face, stared at him. For several tense moments Mbembe stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and walked away.

Mbembe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day. Twentyyears later he was walking through a zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turnedand walked over to near where Mbembe and his son Tapu were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Mbembe and lifted its front foot offthe ground, then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mbembe couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Mbembe summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. Suddenly the elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of the man's legs and swung him wildly back and forth slamming him repeatedly against the railing, then tossing his lifeless body to the ground.

Probably wasn't the same elephant....

POLITICAL HAY

So, with all the horse racing that's going on, 2008 is shaping up to be a bitter battle of oversized egos. The fact is, anyone who thinks they should be President has to be a bit of an ego maniac.

That said, there are certainly more and less appealing ego maniacs. For my money right now, John Edwards is the candidate of choice. To be honest, I'd be okay with any of the top three Democrats but Edwards is the only one that's been puttng out substantial policies and positions. He's also the only one talking about poverty and the vast economic disparity that's crippling this country. Most importantly, he's the only one to say he never should have given Bush the authority to go to war. He accepts responsibility for voting to authorize force and says it was a mistake. Only he and John Kerry (as far as I know) have done that. Heck, Hillary still justifies her vote... a vote that she backed up with these statements:

"Intelligence reports show that Saddam Hussein has worked to rebuild his chemical and biological weapons stock, his missile delivery capability, and his nuclear program . . . "

"If left unchecked, Saddam Hussein will continue to increase his capacity to wage biological and chemical warfare, and will keep trying to develop nuclear weapons. Should he succeed in that endeavor, he could alter the political and security landscape of the Middle East, which as we know all too well affects American security. "

Saddam has "given aid, comfort, and sanctuary to terrorists, including Al Qaeda members,”

Which are not that far off from Bush's pre-war claims. It's like they called each other beforehand to see what the other would say.

Look, I'd love to see a woman or black President. Obama and Hillary are clearly smart people who will, in many ways, support policies I agree with (Obama more than Hillary... who is actually quite conservative). So, I have to balance my desire to see historical firsts against the virtues of the candidates running.

Ultimately, my problem with Hillary and Obama is that they never stake out firm territory on any issue. About a year and half ago Molly Ivins --a brilliant and caustic wit whose writing I will sorely miss-- expressed most of my reservations with Hillary. Her essential criticism was that Clinton acted as if triangulation were a position. It's not. It's a political tactic. Hillary, time and again, refuses to lead on almost any issue. She hems and haws and talks a good game but rarely sets the bar on, well, anything. It's all about calculating the odds and appealing to the widest audience and never ever admitting you made a mistake. But
Molly said it so much better than I.

Obama, is almost as bad. He seems to be in a contest with Hillary over who will blink first on the issues. I like that he's trying to avoid partisan politics but, dude, give us a straight answer on something and lead on an issue, any issue, just once. I really evaluate my candidates by their ability to directly answer questions asked of them and neither Obama or Hillary will do that.

Check out how each of the three answered
questions about the environment from Move On. Only Edwards would commit to a 35 mpg standard for cars. Actually, he said he supported 40 mpg. Comapre candidate answers here.

So, for now, Edwards gets my support. I don't like everything about him but I certainly like his personal story, his willingness to put forward strong positions and his ability to directly answer many of the questions put to him.

Which brings me to the haircut. I mean, come on. Are you going to tell me Hillary doesn't pay big bucks for her ever-changing stylings? That Mitt Romney doesn't have a staff of primpers? Here's an interesting question: Why did the media make such a big deal of Edwards $300 haircut but totally ignore Romney's $300 make-up artist? Read about it
here.

You know what really gives me the creeps about that Romney guy? He looks like a game show host. A creepy game show host. And he believes
Jesus took a boat to America.

If the message is that these guys are vain...well, duh! They think they should be President. What I care about is how they'll handle the job. To figure that out they need to give me straight, decisive answers. Edwards. more often than not, does that.

End of political ramble. More fun posts coming...

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

MOVIE REVIEW
Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix


A-


Right from its beginning, as dark clouds swirl around the Warner Brothers logo and the fanfare takes on an ominous tone, it's clear that Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix has left the dewy-eyed awe of childhood magic and entered the brooding angst of adolescent powerlessness.

Over the last four films Harry has grown from an insecure neophyte marveling at the wonder of magic into a focused young man who has come to understand that sorcery is something dangerous and to be feared. Director David Yates underlines this realization by delivering the gloomiest installment in the Potter series yet.

Embracing the essential Englishness of Rowling's stories and evoking the angry young men of late 60s British cinema, Harry is depicted as alienated and exhausted. The unrelenting attacks and loss of family and friends have taken a profound emotional toll. Depressed by schoolmate Diggory's death at the end of The Goblet Of Fire, Harry (Daniel Radcliffe) now finds himself accused by the Ministry of Magic of lying about his confrontation with Lord Voldemort (Ralph Fiennes). Though his friends stand by him, the adults refuse to believe and the students at Hogwarts' treat him like a leper. If that weren't bad enough, the Minister, paranoid Dumbledore (Michael Gambon) is after his job, sends Dolores Umbridge (Imelda Staunton) to the school as its Homeland Security director… er…Grand Inquisitor.

Before long creepy but prim Dolores wrests control of Hogwarts from Dumbledore and trains her sights on marginalizing Harry. But Voldemort and his legion of Death Eaters are on the move and Harry must teach his fellow students to defend themselves against the gathering dark forces. Unfortunately, Umbridge is determined to put an end to his secret magic lessons while Voldemort seeks the prophecy that may end Harry's life.
Clearly a transitional work, Order of the Phoenix masterfully unspools miles of exposition but suffers from an episodic narrative that suggests many of the 800+ page book's subplots and flourishes had to be jettisoned to bring things in under 2 and 1/2 hours. Still, while this may be the first Harry Potter movie unable to stand on its own –there are too many references to earlier characters and situations— it’s also the first to truly feel epic in scope. There's a gathering storm quality to the events that suggests a monstrous confrontation looms on the horizon and Michael Goldenberg’s lucid and fleet-footed adaptation (the first in the series not scripted by Steve Kloves) unfolds with terrifying momentum, resulting in a compelling and emotionally resonant film.

Still, by their very nature, the Harry Potter films are constrained by compromise. Because of the book's unprecedented popularity, each film comes to a predictable and, often, upbeat conclusion. It's to Yates and Goldenberg's considerable credit this installment leaves you with a feeling of loss and isolation long after the screen goes dark.

And just as the characters in Harry Potter have matured in age, the films have matured in depth and style. With each new movie the directors seem less intimidated by the books and freer to impose their own artistic sensibilities. Alfonso Cuaron (The Prisoner of Azkaban) could probably be credited with giving the series a stylistic kick in the pants and Yates is clearly building on that freedom. He may not have Cuaron's filmmaking prowess but he gives Order Of The Phoenix greater substance, deepening the characters' relationships and emotions. Visually, he finds his perfect match with Polish cinematographer Slawomir Idziak (Blue, The Double Life of Veronique), who paints every scene in malevolently lush palette of grays and blues, providing yet another layer of subtext.

Equally impressive is Yates' supporting cast. A veritable who's who of great British actors --Emma Thompson, Maggie Smith, Robbie Coltraine, Brendan Gleeson, Helena Bonham Carter, David Thewles, Alan Rickman and Gary Oldman-- add spice and color as they expertly walk the line between camp and conviction. Fiennes, as the face of evil, chews the scenery with depraved glee, creating a monster with real weight. Meanwhile Staunton's pink-suited Dolores Umbridge is exquisitely tyrannical as a bureaucratic sadist.

The younger stars have matured over the last six years and Radcliffe and Rupert Grint (as Ron Weasley) have developed into skillful performers. While Emma Watson (as Hermione) never rises above adequate, she has, at least, stopped acting with her eyebrows.

Unlike this summer's other blockbusters, Order Of The Phoenix won't necessarily blow you away you with bombast and spectacle, though there are moments --particularly a sorcerous showdown between Dumbledore and Voldemort-- that are impressively exciting. Instead, the film's careful attention to drama proves very satisfying. Something the other blockbusters have failed to do. More importantly, this chapter in the Harry Potter series finally leaves you hungering for the next installment.
MOVIE REVIEW
Sicko

A

The argument usually goes that the right has Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Ann Coulter, Bill O’Reilly, etc, etc and the left has Al Franken, Keith Olbermann, and Michael Moore. Now, there’s a case to be made for Franken and Olbermann but for Moore, not so much.

Though his politics are unmistakably left, the documentarian’s targets are almost exclusively the powerful and his work is fueled by optimism rather than cynicism. That last comment may be hard to swallow for many who bristle at his manipulative tactics, but the truth is Moore, like many muckrakers before him, tirelessly defends the little guy while speaking truth to power. Sure, he’s about as “fair and balanced” as Fox News, but his eternal hopefulness that America, once confronted with the truth, will do what is necessary to change things for the better, is rather refreshing.

No place is this sentiment more clear than his latest documentary, Sicko. Heartfelt, entertaining and, often eye-opening, this blistering but scattershot portrait of the corrupt, cruel and crazy US health care system demonstrates the obscene challenges to getting basic health coverage while presenting an engaging argument for universal care.

As Moore makes clear in his opening, Sicko isn’t training it sites on the policies that have left 50 million Americans uninsured but rather on the many people who dutiful pay their premiums each month only to enter a bureaucratic hell of insurance pre-approvals, denials of care, and contractual ‘gotchas’. Whether it’s the unconscious car accident victim who was told her ambulance ride wasn’t pre-approved or the woman denied care because she didn’t disclose a common yeast infection many years earlier, these Kafkaesque scenarios earn both our disgust and uncomfortable laughter in equal doses.

Smartly, Moore keeps himself off screen for Sicko’s first 40 minutes, letting ordinary Americans relate how they or family members have been abused, cheated and even killed by a system that puts profits before care. In fact, in one of the film’s more revelatory moments, Moore plays a tape recording of Richard Nixon cutting the deal that allows Edgar Kaiser to systematically provide less health care for more money. More damning is Nixon’s cynically press conference the very next day, heralding the policy as a path to universal health coverage. Worse, we are introduced to physicians who are paid big bucks to concoct reasons to deny large claims –labeling a procedure experimental is a popular choice-- and bean counters who comb through policy applications and medical records to find mistakes they can call fraud.

Having demonstrated the profound failings of our system, Sicko then heads to Canada, England, France and Cuba to see how their methods fare in comparison and ends up debunking many of the partisan myths about “socialized medicine.” With more than a bit of irony, he goes after claims about the evils of socialism by demonstrating how Americans benefit every day from “socialized” institutions like police stations, fire departments, libraries, schools and post offices. While it’s fair to say Moore presents an overly rosy view of the foreign healthcare systems (especially Cuba’s), he asks a profoundly important question: “If they can do it, why can’t we?”

The film comes close to an answer in an interview with a former member of the British Parliament, Tony Benn. Benn claims that the UK overhauled health care in response to the devastation of World War II. Bankrupt and demoralized, the country’s leaders saw a commitment to socialized care as demonstration of unity and compassion. Though I’m paraphrasing, the rationale was that Britain should invest at least as much in the well-being of its citizens as it does in the killing of enemies.

In contrast, Moore suggests that the US government refused such a commitment out of communist paranoia and a desire to maintain power. Benn posits that democracy works best when governments fear their people rather than the other way around. This is why we see regular mass demonstrations in England and France while Americans are either too afraid or complacent to protest our nation’s most egregious offenses. It’s this commentary that elevates Sicko past Moor’s trademark populist shenanigans and into the realm of serious discourse.

Unfortunately, Moore is still his own worst enemy. Too often he asks questions he clearly knows the answer to and engages in questionable theatrics. The worst of these is when he brings forsaken 9-11 responders to Cuba for care the US has shamefully refused to provide. While his bigger point about how we treat our heroes is well taken, the stunt is shamelessly crass and glosses over a multitude of important issues. Given how important and insightful much of Sicko is, it’s frustrating to see the filmmaker provide his critics with such obvious ammunition.
Though the partisan will dismiss Moore’s film as more leftwing propaganda, there’s no denying the endlessly heartbreaking examples of American citizens brutally abused by our country’s health care system. When visiting Canadians feel obliged to take out insurance because they fear they’ll end up caught in our system, you know something is very very wrong. If only for the conversations it will provoke, Sicko is essential viewing and not to be missed.
MOVIE REVIEW

Ratatouille

A


There are so many reasons why Pixar has become the gold standard for CG animation it’s probably more instructive to examine why pretenders to the throne fail so miserably. Take Dreamworks, for instance. They struggle to imitate Pixar’s successes by creating sly alternative realities where zoo animals or sharks or fairy tale monsters crack wise in thinly veiled spoofs of our own world. But capping on Starbucks or mocking The Dating Game is cheap and easy, resulting in laughs that have a six-month half-life. Films like Shrek 3 and A Shark's Tale endlessly remind you of their satirical ‘wit’ because the truth is they have nothing else to offer. Worse, these kid’s flicks are treated like bloated commercials for merchandise tie-ins and pop music soundtracks. The story, the characters, the setting – nothing is organic. Product “synergy” is the reason Smashmouth’s top 40 hit became the anthem for a fairy tale ogre, not art.


Which is why writer/director Brad Bird’s Ratatouille is so sublimely inspirational. With its underlying message of savoring the unknown, following your passion and striving for excellence, it’s difficult to imagine his characters peddling Happy Meals. In fact, this tale of a rat who yearns to be a chef pointedly criticizes the crass exploitation of personality and talent. And above all its other achievements, this is what Pixar does best: presenting complicated themes and emotions into a children’s film. The company trusts its audience to follow along; challenging them to embrace ideas most adult films won’t touch with a ten-foot pole.


Bird, in particular, excels at this. His first foray into animated features was the overlooked masterpiece, The Iron Giant, an exciting and affecting tale of a weapon that refuses to accept its reason for being and instead embraces humanity and friendship. The Incredibles, Bird’s follow up, used its superhero trappings to examine what it means to be special and how that impacts society. What makes these and all of Pixar’s films (with the possible exception of Cars) stand out is the belief that story matters as much as the animation.


Remy (voiced by Patton Oswald) is a country rat living in France who longs to escape a life of garbage picking and dumpster diving. Inspired by the French Chef Gusteau (Brad Garrett), he takes to heart the famous cook’s rallying cry: “Anyone Can Cook!” and pines for the day he can put his palette and talent for flavor to work, creating culinary masterpieces. Ah, cruel fate, to be a great chef trapped in a rat’s body! Luckily, fate reconsiders Remy’s plight and separates him from his father (Brian Dennehy) and brother (Peter Sohn), depositing him on the doorstep of his hero’s 3-star (formerly 5-star) bistro. It turns out, infamous food critic, Anton Ego (Peter O’Toole), savaged Gusteau’s reputation in a review and the chef died of a broken heart. Now, run by his tyrannical and exploitative assistant, Skinner (Ian Holm), the restaurant has become the uninspired flagship for a line of tacky frozen microwave dinners. Enter garbage-boy Linguini (Lou Romano) who is rescued from unemployment when Remy salvages the soup he’s accidentally ruined. A partnership is struck: using the boy as his marionette, Remy will cook and Linguini will keep his job and, maybe, win the love of no-nonsense female chef, Colette (a shockingly good Janeane Garofalo).


Once again Pixar drops you into a beautifully realized universe that is as familiar as it is fantastical. The breathtaking animation is so good you can be forgiven for taking it for granted as clever plot twists, expert voice work and incisive wit pull you in. Ratatouille’s lush Paris locales are remarkably detailed and wholly convincing while its exaggerated characters burst with personality and life. Remy is so convincingly rendered you can see his tiny heart beating beneath his blue-furred chest. Heck, even the computer-animated food looks delicious.


Thankfully, Ratatouille never relies on pop culture references or crass satire to get its laughs. It creates comedy on its own terms. Each character has humor and heart, demonstrating unexpected flaws and emotional depth, surprising us with their insecurities and overreactions. Remy and the gang are certainly more real than anyone in Pirates Of The Caribbean or Fantastic Four and there are times when you simply forget you’re watching computer-animated characters.


Though it probably won’t rate for kids as one of Pixar’s best (unless you've got a budding foodie in your house), Ratatouille features enough ingeniously choreographed chases and slapstick gags to keep their eyes glued to the screen. But what makes Bird’s efforts so special –almost subversive-- is the way he demonstrates the way passions blossom. When’s the last time you saw a film convey to kids that life is to be experienced and that there is pleasure in that experience? He dares his audience to stop shoveling food into their mouths and actually savor what theyre eating. Whether it’s food or music or books, these things feed our souls and that’s what Ratatouille boasts: real soul.

all reviews first appeared in Detroit's Metro Times

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

DIE HARD!


In my opinion, the original Die Hard is as close to a perfect action film as you can get, embodying much of what Hollywood does best. Almost every time I stumble across it on cable I end up sucked in, watching until the next commercial break. And I own a DVD copy. Still, it's a perfect storm of character (Willis does what he does best and Alan Rickman is a brilliant villain), setting (a claustrophic business tower) and over-the-top action. The script is reasonably smart, the direction (John McTiernan) is inventive and impeccably paced and even the humor works. Sure, we could have done without the Twinkie-snarfing beat cop, but it was the best popcorn flick to come along in some time.

The sequels have been... well, increasingly disappointing. Die Harder had an idiot storyline but Renny Harlin knows how to shoot action and has a wickedly sadistic streak, letting the film live up to its title. It never achieves the awesomeness of the first but gives it a noble try.

Die Harder With A Vengeance mostly just sucked. The set up had promise and I tend to love anything Jeremy Irons is in... but the film couldn't pull its shit together, crapping out big time in its final act.

Now comes the fourth Die Hard flick and with its PG-13 rating (no more "Yippeee-ki-yay, Motherfucker"), terrorist plotline and varied locales it looks like any of a dozen recent action flicks. Maybe I'll be proven wrong but I don't have high hopes. Unfortunately, I haven't been assigned to review it so if I want to see it I'll have to shell out $9 and see it with the hoi polloi.

So, why am I dedicating so much space to a mindless action film series? Because I came across this great music video that links footage from the films to one of the best fanboy rock tunes I've heard... well, maybe ever (not that I've heard much). It's worth it if only for the chorus. Enjoy!



ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES

You know, after presiding over an administration that is directly or indirectly responsible for the deaths of 2800 citizens on 9/11, another 1900 in the aftermath of hurricane Katrina, 3500 soldiers lost in Iraq and God knows how many Iraqis, it seems almost inconceivable that George W. Bush's government can claim to embrace a "culture of life."

Next time friends or family make this claim, point out that Mr. 'Culture Of Life' backed deregulations that increased chemical company profits while putting kids at risk... to rat poison. If you want to learn how much public policy can affect the everyday lives of others, read this.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

"All it takes is one geek to do something stupid..."

Could be the mantra for my life.

I always wondered if those who advise cleaning your computer keyboard in the dishwasher were off their nut. Now I know the truth.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007


STUFF YOU NEED TO KNOW EDITION

BTW that's a real fortune cookie fortune.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

JUST STUFF
  • New Jersey shows the rest of the country how to do it. (Yeah, that New Jersey)

  • US map with state renamed to show country's with similar GDPs. Now I need to go out an get an alpaca.

  • Bush/Cheney slap forehead and say, "Why didn't we think of that?"

  • Largest island in a lake on an island in a lake VS Largest island in a lake on an island in a lake on an island

  • Bush Administration Declares Paris Hilton Enemy Combatant over Jailhouse Religious Conversion (shamless plug for my buddy's website)

Monday, June 11, 2007

How To Have A Secret Affair At Work

http://www.videojug.com/film/how-to-have-a-secret-affair-at-work

Now wouldn't have High school been more interesting if they'd shown these in Sex Ed?


Other important video titles:

How To Seduce Your Boss
How To Be Lazy In The Office And Get Away With It


Thursday, June 07, 2007

The History Of The Vietnam War ...Porn-style

Some people are just too damn funny.


Tuesday, June 05, 2007

LONG TIME NO SEE...

But I had to post this. Too good to pass up. "Do The Right Thing" ala' Sesame Street