"THEY MUST BE DOUCHEBAGS"

More on the writer's strike and why you should support it...




One of the weirdest thing for me has been listening to everyday people express anger at the writers, calling them greedy while defending huge multi-billion dollar companies... because they're... what?... working so hard to feed the poor and establish peace on Earth. Bizarre.

SUPPORT THE WRITER'S STRIKE

Stories from the front line.

"We will overcome!"



BTW, if you don't understand what the writers are fighting for, here's a good primer:

SIMPLY EXQUISITE

sent to me from my friend Steffen, a critic in Prague.

THE U.S. MAKES THE HIGHEST QUALITY RUBBER VOMIT

It's true. Accept no imitations. Read about it here.

(This one's for you, Jeff)

SOMETIMES COMMERCIALS ARE... WELL, COOL

Okay, I'm a sucker for this JC Penny commercial. What can I say? It speaks to the misfit nerd in me.




Now, this Honda commercial totally rocks. I know they did it with CGI but it's just cool imagining that someone spent the time setting up this contraption.

ATTACK OF THE PARASITES!

Wonderful mash up of government health films. Brilliant!

TRUTH IN ADVERTISING

I saw these first two a couple of years back and oh-so loved them. The third is a British take and equally brilliant. During this season of sales remember, all these festively decorated stores care about is your money.




Sorry about the resolution. I couldn't find a better copy on YouTube.




Feel the rush. Cure the rash.

PICKLE SURPRISE

Sent to me by my best buddy Jeff. I don't know if I'm more tickled or disturbed by this bizarre commercial. All I know is that not enough commercials employ transvestities.

SAUDI ARABIA AND OIL

The Kingdom was a Jamie Foxx war/action thriller released this past August. I was not a fan. You can read my review here. Nevertheless, the film's opening credits featured a boffo animated retelling of Saudi Arabia's oil history. Plus the music is terrific. It's concise, fascinating stuff.

Click on the YouTube video below and you can skip the tiresome 2 hours that follow.

THE BEATLES DO STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN

...in that oh-so Beatle-esque way. Probably one of the best music/video mashups I've ever seen.

QUICK VIDEO LINKS WORTH SEEING

1. Keith Olbermann lays an incredible smackdown on the Bush Administration's stance on
torture. Necessary viewing!

2. Obama kept Stephen Colbert off North Carolina's presidential ballot?

3. Eight-limbed girl undergoes surgery.

THE EMO HAIKU GENERATOR

darkness surrounds me

God hates me, I hate god back.

Tell me why I tried.

Express yourself here.

AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER

The stuff of nightmares...

DREAMS DO COME TRUE

Ah, if only I had a supportive family like this.

Question Of The Day: Did God give you a nice juicy tushy?

Garrison Keillor:

Folksy Mark Twain wannabe or Prince of Darkness?

You make the call...

-Dan Savage has some choice words for Keillor's view of marriage... which he no doubt fashioned from years of failure and infidelity.

-Keillor takes on a sweet-faced Ho. More here.

-Keillor goes after the Republican party... then offers an apology.

-Keillor: healthcare and the war.

-The hatemongers perspective.

-Slate HEARTS Garrison.

-Keillor's terrific essay: The Poetry Judge.

Please feel free to weigh in in the comment section.

OUR BOOMER PARENTS DID ALL THE DRUGS, HAD ALL THE SEX AND SHOPPED AT JC PENNY'S WHEN IT WAS COOL

and all we got was AIDS, Nancy "Just Say No" Reagan and stores filled with Cabbage Patch Kids. Gee, thanks Mom and Pop.

See more grooviness here.

TODAY'S SCARY NEWS STORY:
REFUSE TO TEACH CREATIONISM, GET FIRED!

"I'm just a little bit shocked myself that a college in good standing would back up students who insist that people who have been through college and have a master's degree, a couple actually, have to teach that there were such things as talking snakes or lose their job," Bitterman said.

Read about it here.

OUR BASTARD COULD LEARN A THING OR TWO
FROM THEIR BASTARD

Say what you will about Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (and much of it is well deserved), at least the guy has the balls to take questions from a hostile audience. When you consider that 'ol George Bush refused to let anyone that wasn't a die-hard Republican attend one of his town hall meetings or campaign speeches you begin to realize what an arrogant, insecure pussy our commander-in-chief really is.

I mean, his cult... er... supporters actually escorted people out if they had bumper stickers on their car that didn't jibe with BushCo politics. Can you even imagine Georgie Boy allowing himself to listen to a comment like: "Mr. President, you exhibit all the signs of a petty and cruel dictator"?

All that aside, it was good to see Ahmadinejad and his caveman view of the world put up to ridicule. Read about it here.

Best quote:

"In Iran we don't have homosexuals like you do in your country. In Iran, we do not have this phenomenon. I do not know who has told you that we have it."

WHAT DOES THE POOL BOY HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THE FIRST FAMILY?

Read here.

BUT DID YOU EVER THINK THAT MAYBE

ALIENS ARE JUST PLAIN ANTI-SEMITIC?

http://wcbstv.com/video/?id=103787@wcbs.dayport.com

I LIKE THIS. A LOT.

WHAT TEENAGE GIRLS SHOULD ASPIRE TO...

Apparently we need more maps to identify "The Iraq" and help people in South Africa. Which is so, you know, freakin' cool.

ALBERTO, WE HARDLY KNEW YE...

TALES OF CORPORATE DOUCHE BAGGERY

• Thinking of shoplifting? Try Home Depot.
• It's not CompUSA's fault you were stupid enough to think something was in the box.
• Okay, gathering crash data I kinda get. But what about all the other stuff (seatbelt usage, speed, etc) corporations will have access to? I'm sure that won't be reflected in your insurance premiums.
• Corporations: is the fact that they attract psychopaths the chicken or the egg?
• Company sues Google for libel because "it's too much work to figure out who was actually responsible."
• Made In China = Take Your Life In Your Own Hands

WALMART'S CONTINUED CAMPAIGN OF EVIL

• And the difference between this and slavery is what?
• "When Karen Armatrout died in 1997, her employer, Wal-Mart, collected thousands of dollars on a life insurance policy the retail giant had taken out without telling her, according to a lawsuit filed in U.S. District Court."
• Wal-Mart stands behinds the products it sells. Unless, of course, death or disfigurement occurs. Then it's someone else's fault.

NOT SURE WHERE THE CANDIDATES STAND ON ISSUES?

Check out this handy-dandy chart.

You know, reduced to a simple set of facts they all pretty much suck.

CLIFF & DOUGY SCHECTER = ADOLF HITLER

A SKULL A DAY...

...will probably get you on the "no fly" list.

This is one nifty blog. Every day they post a skull image. Some are simply amazing... like this "bar of skull."

Other faves include: BBQ skull, styro-skull, wood burning skull, and plastic bag skull.

THE SIGNS, THEY ARE UPON US

I love stuff like this... photo mashups of signs. Some made me laugh out loud.

Check out the rest here.

FREEDOM IS UNDER ATTACK

"If they come for your freedom, you must not only resist, you must strike back with a vengeance that will stun them. "




It's not a conspiracy theory or hypothetical. It's very real and very near. Corportions and politicians are already drafting laws to restrict the net.

The Internet is an incredible tool for human expression and connectivity. It is pathetically ironic that the country that screams loudest about "freedom" is doing everything it can to restrict one of the greatest tools for freedom to come along since the printing press. Support net neutrality!

IRAQ: Yup that's about it...

DO NOT TAUNT HAPPY FUN BALL

I love this...

MOVIE REVIEW

The Simpsons Movie

B+

After 18 years and 400 episodes (and an endless parade of merchandise tie-ins), The Simpsons makes its multiplex debut, forcing even walnut-brained Homer to acknowledge the screamingly obvious, “We’re paying for something we can get on TV for free!”

Hence the big question: Can The Simpsons Movie, even with its enhanced animation, justify its own big screen existence? The short answer: Sorta. Given that the long-running cartoon can indulge in any plot its talented writers can imagine (and network standards allow), it’s a daunting task to create something wholly original and cinematic. And though the short (86 minutes) and breezy film is predictably clever, occasionally brilliant and unfailingly entertaining it still feels very much like an elongated episode.

Which is the best way to sum up The Simpsons Movie; consider its three acts as separate episodes (though they all feed a single story). For its first half hour, we’re in classic fourth or fifth season territory. There’s a joke every few seconds (and several more in the background) as clever sight gags and hilarious asides zip from one marvelously funny set piece to the next. Slapstick violence, self-referential one-liners and bits about closet homosexuality, Hillary Clinton, Christian moralizing, senility, and Fox TV come fast and furious. The sheer density of brash wit and irreverence is breathless to behold.

Once the second act plot mechanics kick in, however, the punch lines are fewer and farther between. Conflict and exposition slow things down and though there are a few inspired moments — especially Bart’s skateboard ride through Springfield — the movie loses the furious zing of its opening. Instead, each member of the family (except Maggie, of course) gets his or her own subplot, allowing their stories to weave together in ways the 22-minute television show could never achieve. The movie trades big laughs for greater emotional connection between its characters as Bart’s quest for a more attentive father and Marge’s doubts about her marriage produce some surprisingly moving moments. Hearing Homer admit, “I just try and make the day not hurt until I can crawl back into bed with you,” is a line worthy of the sweetest romantic comedy.

When the final act of the film finally roles around, The Simpsons falls into a tug of war between standard-issue comedy and the need to neatly wrap things up. Valuable lessons are learned, set-ups cleverly pay off and Homer once again saves Springfield from a calamity only he could create. At its end, The Simpsons Movie feels very much like a Simpsons episode, even if Marge yells “Goddamn!” and Otto takes a hit off his bong.

You'd think a PG-13 rating would liberate the show's writers, allowing them to venture into risqué territory without fear of network censors. Truth is, The Simpson Movie indulges in the verboten exactly three times: The aforementioned drug reference and profanity at its finale and an earlier bit of nudity (which provides one the movie’s biggest laughs).

This overly modest exploitation is what keeps The Simpsons Movie from truly rising to the occasion. It’s not that it isn’t funny, it’s that it’s funny in a familiar way; 18 years familiar. Most audience members are accustomed to the show’s innovative tone and style and this, unfortunately, dulls its comedic edges. The movie squanders an opportunity to land some outrageous punches and, perhaps, push the venerable cartoon into new territory ala' South Park: Bigger, Longer And Uncut. Unlike Parker and Stone, who used the success of their filthy big screen debut to breathe profane (and musical) life into their weekly show, The Simpsons Movie is too timid and self-aware. Heck, even the opening Itchy And Scratchy cartoon has less bite than many primetime episodes. If that isn't call for a resounding chorus of "D’Oh," I don't know what is.

NET NEUTRALITY NINJA STYLE

Here is the best explanation I've heard so far. He lays for you why you should support this and oppose all legislation that favors corporate dominance. Please, email your Congressmen and Senator. Tell them you support net neutrality and expect them to do likewise!

Generation: Chickenhawk

As I suspected, College Repubs are a bunch of selfish, unpatriotic whimps who are more than willing to send others to fight for their right to party. Oh, and they're also repressed homosexuals. Pathetic.





Okay, in entertainment news... JJ Abrams has some top secret movie coming out in January that they don't even have a title for yet. Before the screening of Transformers (I gave it a B-) they ran this trailer. I'm hooked.

BTW whaddaya think of the new design? Comments welcomed.

MAC VS PC

I love this almost as much as I hate the real commercials (even though I adore John Hodgeman)

FROM THE OTHER JEFF

Jeff Sherwood is the brother I never had (or killed in the womb before birth). Anyway, he sends me all sorts of anecdotes, links and Internet oddities. This was the latest:

I usually don't send out these kinds of stories but this modern-day Aesop's Fable is particularly poignant:

In 1986, Mkele Mbembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from college. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.

The elephant seemed distressed so Mbembe approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot, and found a large thorn deeply embedded in it.

As carefully and as gently as he could, Mbembe worked the thorn outwith his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down itsfoot.

The elephant turned to face the man and with a rather stern look onits face, stared at him. For several tense moments Mbembe stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and walked away.

Mbembe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day. Twentyyears later he was walking through a zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turnedand walked over to near where Mbembe and his son Tapu were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Mbembe and lifted its front foot offthe ground, then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mbembe couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Mbembe summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. Suddenly the elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of the man's legs and swung him wildly back and forth slamming him repeatedly against the railing, then tossing his lifeless body to the ground.

Probably wasn't the same elephant....

POLITICAL HAY

So, with all the horse racing that's going on, 2008 is shaping up to be a bitter battle of oversized egos. The fact is, anyone who thinks they should be President has to be a bit of an ego maniac.

That said, there are certainly more and less appealing ego maniacs. For my money right now, John Edwards is the candidate of choice. To be honest, I'd be okay with any of the top three Democrats but Edwards is the only one that's been puttng out substantial policies and positions. He's also the only one talking about poverty and the vast economic disparity that's crippling this country. Most importantly, he's the only one to say he never should have given Bush the authority to go to war. He accepts responsibility for voting to authorize force and says it was a mistake. Only he and John Kerry (as far as I know) have done that. Heck, Hillary still justifies her vote... a vote that she backed up with these statements:

"Intelligence reports show that Saddam Hussein has worked to rebuild his chemical and biological weapons stock, his missile delivery capability, and his nuclear program . . . "

"If left unchecked, Saddam Hussein will continue to increase his capacity to wage biological and chemical warfare, and will keep trying to develop nuclear weapons. Should he succeed in that endeavor, he could alter the political and security landscape of the Middle East, which as we know all too well affects American security. "

Saddam has "given aid, comfort, and sanctuary to terrorists, including Al Qaeda members,”

Which are not that far off from Bush's pre-war claims. It's like they called each other beforehand to see what the other would say.

Look, I'd love to see a woman or black President. Obama and Hillary are clearly smart people who will, in many ways, support policies I agree with (Obama more than Hillary... who is actually quite conservative). So, I have to balance my desire to see historical firsts against the virtues of the candidates running.

Ultimately, my problem with Hillary and Obama is that they never stake out firm territory on any issue. About a year and half ago Molly Ivins --a brilliant and caustic wit whose writing I will sorely miss-- expressed most of my reservations with Hillary. Her essential criticism was that Clinton acted as if triangulation were a position. It's not. It's a political tactic. Hillary, time and again, refuses to lead on almost any issue. She hems and haws and talks a good game but rarely sets the bar on, well, anything. It's all about calculating the odds and appealing to the widest audience and never ever admitting you made a mistake. But Molly said it so much better than I.

Obama, is almost as bad. He seems to be in a contest with Hillary over who will blink first on the issues. I like that he's trying to avoid partisan politics but, dude, give us a straight answer on something and lead on an issue, any issue, just once. I really evaluate my candidates by their ability to directly answer questions asked of them and neither Obama or Hillary will do that.

Check out how each of the three answered questions about the environment from Move On. Only Edwards would commit to a 35 mpg standard for cars. Actually, he said he supported 40 mpg. Comapre candidate answers here.

So, for now, Edwards gets my support. I don't like everything about him but I certainly like his personal story, his willingness to put forward strong positions and his ability to directly answer many of the questions put to him.

Which brings me to the haircut. I mean, come on. Are you going to tell me Hillary doesn't pay big bucks for her ever-changing stylings? That Mitt Romney doesn't have a staff of primpers? Here's an interesting question: Why did the media make such a big deal of Edwards $300 haircut but totally ignore Romney's $300 make-up artist? Read about it here.

You know what really gives me the creeps about that Romney guy? He looks like a game show host. A creepy game show host. And he believes Jesus took a boat to America.

If the message is that these guys are vain...well, duh! They think they should be President. What I care about is how they'll handle the job. To figure that out they need to give me straight, decisive answers. Edwards. more often than not, does that.

End of political ramble. More fun posts coming...

MOVIE REVIEW

Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix

A-

Right from its beginning, as dark clouds swirl around the Warner Brothers logo and the fanfare takes on an ominous tone, it's clear that Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix has left the dewy-eyed awe of childhood magic and entered the brooding angst of adolescent powerlessness.

Over the last four films Harry has grown from an insecure neophyte marveling at the wonder of magic into a focused young man who has come to understand that sorcery is something dangerous and to be feared. Director David Yates underlines this realization by delivering the gloomiest installment in the Potter series yet.

Embracing the essential Englishness of Rowling's stories and evoking the angry young men of late 60s British cinema, Harry is depicted as alienated and exhausted. The unrelenting attacks and loss of family and friends have taken a profound emotional toll. Depressed by schoolmate Diggory's death at the end of The Goblet Of Fire, Harry (Daniel Radcliffe) now finds himself accused by the Ministry of Magic of lying about his confrontation with Lord Voldemort (Ralph Fiennes). Though his friends stand by him, the adults refuse to believe and the students at Hogwarts' treat him like a leper. If that weren't bad enough, the Minister, paranoid Dumbledore (Michael Gambon) is after his job, sends Dolores Umbridge (Imelda Staunton) to the school as its Homeland Security director… er…Grand Inquisitor.

Before long creepy but prim Dolores wrests control of Hogwarts from Dumbledore and trains her sights on marginalizing Harry. But Voldemort and his legion of Death Eaters are on the move and Harry must teach his fellow students to defend themselves against the gathering dark forces. Unfortunately, Umbridge is determined to put an end to his secret magic lessons while Voldemort seeks the prophecy that may end Harry's life.

Clearly a transitional work, Order of the Phoenix masterfully unspools miles of exposition but suffers from an episodic narrative that suggests many of the 800+ page book's subplots and flourishes had to be jettisoned to bring things in under 2 and 1/2 hours. Still, while this may be the first Harry Potter movie unable to stand on its own –there are too many references to earlier characters and situations— it’s also the first to truly feel epic in scope. There's a gathering storm quality to the events that suggests a monstrous confrontation looms on the horizon and Michael Goldenberg’s lucid and fleet-footed adaptation (the first in the series not scripted by Steve Kloves) unfolds with terrifying momentum, resulting in a compelling and emotionally resonant film.

Still, by their very nature, the Harry Potter films are constrained by compromise. Because of the book's unprecedented popularity, each film comes to a predictable and, often, upbeat conclusion. It's to Yates and Goldenberg's considerable credit this installment leaves you with a feeling of loss and isolation long after the screen goes dark.

And just as the characters in Harry Potter have matured in age, the films have matured in depth and style. With each new movie the directors seem less intimidated by the books and freer to impose their own artistic sensibilities. Alfonso Cuaron (The Prisoner of Azkaban) could probably be credited with giving the series a stylistic kick in the pants and Yates is clearly building on that freedom. He may not have Cuaron's filmmaking prowess but he gives Order Of The Phoenix greater substance, deepening the characters' relationships and emotions. Visually, he finds his perfect match with Polish cinematographer Slawomir Idziak (Blue, The Double Life of Veronique), who paints every scene in malevolently lush palette of grays and blues, providing yet another layer of subtext.

Equally impressive is Yates' supporting cast. A veritable who's who of great British actors --Emma Thompson, Maggie Smith, Robbie Coltraine, Brendan Gleeson, Helena Bonham Carter, David Thewles, Alan Rickman and Gary Oldman-- add spice and color as they expertly walk the line between camp and conviction. Fiennes, as the face of evil, chews the scenery with depraved glee, creating a monster with real weight. Meanwhile Staunton's pink-suited Dolores Umbridge is exquisitely tyrannical as a bureaucratic sadist.

The younger stars have matured over the last six years and Radcliffe and Rupert Grint (as Ron Weasley) have developed into skillful performers. While Emma Watson (as Hermione) never rises above adequate, she has, at least, stopped acting with her eyebrows.

Unlike this summer's other blockbusters, Order Of The Phoenix won't necessarily blow you away you with bombast and spectacle, though there are moments --particularly a sorcerous showdown between Dumbledore and Voldemort-- that are impressively exciting. Instead, the film's careful attention to drama proves very satisfying. Something the other blockbusters have failed to do. More importantly, this chapter in the Harry Potter series finally leaves you hungering for the next installment.

MOVIE REVIEW

Sicko

A

The argument usually goes that the right has Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Ann Coulter, Bill O’Reilly, etc, etc and the left has Al Franken, Keith Olbermann, and Michael Moore. Now, there’s a case to be made for Franken and Olbermann but for Moore, not so much.

Though his politics are unmistakably left, the documentarian’s targets are almost exclusively the powerful and his work is fueled by optimism rather than cynicism. That last comment may be hard to swallow for many who bristle at his manipulative tactics, but the truth is Moore, like many muckrakers before him, tirelessly defends the little guy while speaking truth to power. Sure, he’s about as “fair and balanced” as Fox News, but his eternal hopefulness that America, once confronted with the truth, will do what is necessary to change things for the better, is rather refreshing.

No place is this sentiment more clear than his latest documentary, Sicko. Heartfelt, entertaining and, often eye-opening, this blistering but scattershot portrait of the corrupt, cruel and crazy US health care system demonstrates the obscene challenges to getting basic health coverage while presenting an engaging argument for universal care.

As Moore makes clear in his opening, Sicko isn’t training it sites on the policies that have left 50 million Americans uninsured but rather on the many people who dutiful pay their premiums each month only to enter a bureaucratic hell of insurance pre-approvals, denials of care, and contractual ‘gotchas’. Whether it’s the unconscious car accident victim who was told her ambulance ride wasn’t pre-approved or the woman denied care because she didn’t disclose a common yeast infection many years earlier, these Kafkaesque scenarios earn both our disgust and uncomfortable laughter in equal doses.

Smartly, Moore keeps himself off screen for Sicko’s first 40 minutes, letting ordinary Americans relate how they or family members have been abused, cheated and even killed by a system that puts profits before care. In fact, in one of the film’s more revelatory moments, Moore plays a tape recording of Richard Nixon cutting the deal that allows Edgar Kaiser to systematically provide less health care for more money. More damning is Nixon’s cynically press conference the very next day, heralding the policy as a path to universal health coverage. Worse, we are introduced to physicians who are paid big bucks to concoct reasons to deny large claims –labeling a procedure experimental is a popular choice-- and bean counters who comb through policy applications and medical records to find mistakes they can call fraud.

Having demonstrated the profound failings of our system, Sicko then heads to Canada, England, France and Cuba to see how their methods fare in comparison and ends up debunking many of the partisan myths about “socialized medicine.” With more than a bit of irony, he goes after claims about the evils of socialism by demonstrating how Americans benefit every day from “socialized” institutions like police stations, fire departments, libraries, schools and post offices. While it’s fair to say Moore presents an overly rosy view of the foreign healthcare systems (especially Cuba’s), he asks a profoundly important question: “If they can do it, why can’t we?”

The film comes close to an answer in an interview with a former member of the British Parliament, Tony Benn. Benn claims that the UK overhauled health care in response to the devastation of World War II. Bankrupt and demoralized, the country’s leaders saw a commitment to socialized care as demonstration of unity and compassion. Though I’m paraphrasing, the rationale was that Britain should invest at least as much in the well-being of its citizens as it does in the killing of enemies.

In contrast, Moore suggests that the US government refused such a commitment out of communist paranoia and a desire to maintain power. Benn posits that democracy works best when governments fear their people rather than the other way around. This is why we see regular mass demonstrations in England and France while Americans are either too afraid or complacent to protest our nation’s most egregious offenses. It’s this commentary that elevates Sicko past Moor’s trademark populist shenanigans and into the realm of serious discourse.

Unfortunately, Moore is still his own worst enemy. Too often he asks questions he clearly knows the answer to and engages in questionable theatrics. The worst of these is when he brings forsaken 9-11 responders to Cuba for care the US has shamefully refused to provide. While his bigger point about how we treat our heroes is well taken, the stunt is shamelessly crass and glosses over a multitude of important issues. Given how important and insightful much of Sicko is, it’s frustrating to see the filmmaker provide his critics with such obvious ammunition.

Though the partisan will dismiss Moore’s film as more leftwing propaganda, there’s no denying the endlessly heartbreaking examples of American citizens brutally abused by our country’s health care system. When visiting Canadians feel obliged to take out insurance because they fear they’ll end up caught in our system, you know something is very very wrong. If only for the conversations it will provoke, Sicko is essential viewing and not to be missed.

MOVIE REVIEW

Ratatouille

A


There are so many reasons why Pixar has become the gold standard for CG animation it’s probably more instructive to examine why pretenders to the throne fail so miserably. Take Dreamworks, for instance. They struggle to imitate Pixar’s successes by creating sly alternative realities where zoo animals or sharks or fairy tale monsters crack wise in thinly veiled spoofs of our own world. But capping on Starbucks or mocking The Dating Game is cheap and easy, resulting in laughs that have a six-month half-life. Films like Shrek 3 and A Shark's Tale endlessly remind you of their satirical ‘wit’ because the truth is they have nothing else to offer. Worse, these kid’s flicks are treated like bloated commercials for merchandise tie-ins and pop music soundtracks. The story, the characters, the setting – nothing is organic. Product “synergy” is the reason Smashmouth’s top 40 hit became the anthem for a fairy tale ogre, not art.


Which is why writer/director Brad Bird’s Ratatouille is so sublimely inspirational. With its underlying message of savoring the unknown, following your passion and striving for excellence, it’s difficult to imagine his characters peddling Happy Meals. In fact, this tale of a rat who yearns to be a chef pointedly criticizes the crass exploitation of personality and talent. And above all its other achievements, this is what Pixar does best: presenting complicated themes and emotions into a children’s film. The company trusts its audience to follow along; challenging them to embrace ideas most adult films won’t touch with a ten-foot pole.


Bird, in particular, excels at this. His first foray into animated features was the overlooked masterpiece, The Iron Giant, an exciting and affecting tale of a weapon that refuses to accept its reason for being and instead embraces humanity and friendship. The Incredibles, Bird’s follow up, used its superhero trappings to examine what it means to be special and how that impacts society. What makes these and all of Pixar’s films (with the possible exception of Cars) stand out is the belief that story matters as much as the animation.


Remy (voiced by Patton Oswald) is a country rat living in France who longs to escape a life of garbage picking and dumpster diving. Inspired by the French Chef Gusteau (Brad Garrett), he takes to heart the famous cook’s rallying cry: “Anyone Can Cook!” and pines for the day he can put his palette and talent for flavor to work, creating culinary masterpieces. Ah, cruel fate, to be a great chef trapped in a rat’s body! Luckily, fate reconsiders Remy’s plight and separates him from his father (Brian Dennehy) and brother (Peter Sohn), depositing him on the doorstep of his hero’s 3-star (formerly 5-star) bistro. It turns out, infamous food critic, Anton Ego (Peter O’Toole), savaged Gusteau’s reputation in a review and the chef died of a broken heart. Now, run by his tyrannical and exploitative assistant, Skinner (Ian Holm), the restaurant has become the uninspired flagship for a line of tacky frozen microwave dinners. Enter garbage-boy Linguini (Lou Romano) who is rescued from unemployment when Remy salvages the soup he’s accidentally ruined. A partnership is struck: using the boy as his marionette, Remy will cook and Linguini will keep his job and, maybe, win the love of no-nonsense female chef, Colette (a shockingly good Janeane Garofalo).


Once again Pixar drops you into a beautifully realized universe that is as familiar as it is fantastical. The breathtaking animation is so good you can be forgiven for taking it for granted as clever plot twists, expert voice work and incisive wit pull you in. Ratatouille’s lush Paris locales are remarkably detailed and wholly convincing while its exaggerated characters burst with personality and life. Remy is so convincingly rendered you can see his tiny heart beating beneath his blue-furred chest. Heck, even the computer-animated food looks delicious.


Thankfully, Ratatouille never relies on pop culture references or crass satire to get its laughs. It creates comedy on its own terms. Each character has humor and heart, demonstrating unexpected flaws and emotional depth, surprising us with their insecurities and overreactions. Remy and the gang are certainly more real than anyone in Pirates Of The Caribbean or Fantastic Four and there are times when you simply forget you’re watching computer-animated characters.


Though it probably won’t rate for kids as one of Pixar’s best (unless you've got a budding foodie in your house), Ratatouille features enough ingeniously choreographed chases and slapstick gags to keep their eyes glued to the screen. But what makes Bird’s efforts so special –almost subversive-- is the way he demonstrates the way passions blossom. When’s the last time you saw a film convey to kids that life is to be experienced and that there is pleasure in that experience? He dares his audience to stop shoveling food into their mouths and actually savor what theyre eating. Whether it’s food or music or books, these things feed our souls and that’s what Ratatouille boasts: real soul.

all reviews first appeared in Detroit's Metro Times

DIE HARD!

In my opinion, the original Die Hard is as close to a perfect action film as you can get, embodying much of what Hollywood does best. Almost every time I stumble across it on cable I end up sucked in, watching until the next commercial break. And I own a DVD copy. Still, it's a perfect storm of character (Willis does what he does best and Alan Rickman is a brilliant villain), setting (a claustrophic business tower) and over-the-top action. The script is reasonably smart, the direction (John McTiernan) is inventive and impeccably paced and even the humor works. Sure, we could have done without the Twinkie-snarfing beat cop, but it was the best popcorn flick to come along in some time.

The sequels have been... well, increasingly disappointing. Die Harder had an idiot storyline but Renny Harlin knows how to shoot action and has a wickedly sadistic streak, letting the film live up to its title. It never achieves the awesomeness of the first but gives it a noble try.

Die Harder With A Vengeance mostly just sucked. The set up had promise and I tend to love anything Jeremy Irons is in... but the film couldn't pull its shit together, crapping out big time in its final act.

Now comes the fourth Die Hard flick and with its PG-13 rating (no more "Yippeee-ki-yay, Motherfucker"), terrorist plotline and varied locales it looks like any of a dozen recent action flicks. Maybe I'll be proven wrong but I don't have high hopes. Unfortunately, I haven't been assigned to review it so if I want to see it I'll have to shell out $9 and see it with the hoi polloi.

So, why am I dedicating so much space to a mindless action film series? Because I came across this great music video that links footage from the films to one of the best fanboy rock tunes I've heard... well, maybe ever (not that I've heard much). It's worth it if only for the chorus. Enjoy!

ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES

You know, after presiding over an administration that is directly or indirectly responsible for the deaths of 2800 citizens on 9/11, another 1900 in the aftermath of hurricane Katrina, 3500 soldiers lost in Iraq and God knows how many Iraqis, it seems almost inconceivable that George W. Bush's government can claim to embrace a "culture of life."

Next time friends or family make this claim, point out that Mr. 'Culture Of Life' backed deregulations that increased chemical company profits while putting kids at risk... to rat poison. If you want to learn how much public policy can affect the everyday lives of others, read this.

"All it takes is one geek to do something stupid..."

Could be the mantra for my life.

I always wondered if those who advise cleaning your computer keyboard in the dishwasher were off their nut. Now I know the truth.

STUFF YOU NEED TO KNOW EDITION

• Countries ranked by booze consumption. Ireland comes in second but more than willing to kick some ass over it.


• Finnish clubgoers guilty of producing a "whiff of fermented raisins."


• Riot control Russian style!


• Daily cost of Paris Hilton's incarceration $1100. Cost of court proceedings that made her scream and cry: Priceless.


• The reason I don't use AT&T and neither should you!

BTW that's a real fortune cookie fortune.

JUST STUFF

• New Jersey shows the rest of the country how to do it. (Yeah, that New Jersey)


• US map with state renamed to show country's with similar GDPs. Now I need to go out an get an alpaca.


• Bush/Cheney slap forehead and say, "Why didn't we think of that?"


• Largest island in a lake on an island in a lake VS Largest island in a lake on an island in a lake on an island


• Bush Administration Declares Paris Hilton Enemy Combatant over Jailhouse Religious Conversion (shamless plug for my buddy's website)

How To Have A Secret Affair At Work

http://www.videojug.com/film/how-to-have-a-secret-affair-at-work

Now wouldn't have High school been more interesting if they'd shown these in Sex Ed?

Other important video titles:

How To Seduce Your Boss
How To Be Lazy In The Office And Get Away With It

The History Of The Vietnam War ...Porn-style

Some people are just too damn funny.

LONG TIME NO SEE...

But I had to post this. Too good to pass up. "Do The Right Thing" ala' Sesame Street

BLADE RUNNER

Those who love the sci-fi noir Blade Runner are probably more film fans than sci fi geeks (luckily, I'm both). Either way, Ridley Scott's movie is pure cinema, an arthouse fantasy filled with astounding visuals, slow motion drama and one of Rutger Hauer's most impressive (and loony) performances. As a cinematic vision of the dystopian future it is unmatched.

To many Blade Runner is a masterpiece, to others a frustratingly ambitious failure. Needless to say I fall in with the first camp.

For those who care, the film has generated more than a few heated discussions about whether Dekkard (Harrison Ford's character) was a human or an android (called a replicant in the film). The version of the film that was released in theaters in 1982 makes it impossible to know but suggests he's human. The director's version, released on DVD with reinserted scenes made things more ambiguous, but hinted that he was a replicant (something I always suspected).

The biggest difference between the two versions of the film, however, was the studio-inserted voice-over that both director Ridley Scott and star Ford hated. Rumor has it that Ford was so angry that he was required to provide narration that he delivered it with as little emotion as possible, hoping it would be dropped. Strangely, in my opinion, the narration kind of works (though is poorly written), giving Blade Runner even more of a retro-noir feel. Unfortunately, the studio-mandated "happy" ending is a colossal and insulting blunder. It's a true testament to Scott's vision as a director (and the really strong script) that even with these changes the film is both compelling and revolutionary.

The strangest fumble in this big budget, amazingly shot film is one particularly bad stunt sequence where in Dekkard kills a renegade android played by Joanna Cassidy. As her character falls through a series of plate glass windows it's clear that a stuntman in drag is executing the stunt. He's built like a truck and sporting a wig that doesn't even come close to approximating Cassidy's hair. It's a laughably bad moment, temporarily pulling the viewer out of the film's carefully constructed world. Supposedly, a remastered DVD is going to be released with the stunt sequence reshot. Remarkably, Joanna Cassidy has returned to help make it happen. I'm not only excited to see the disc, I'll undoubtedly buy it..

Below, through the magic of YouTube, is a British documentary called ON THE EDGE OF BLADE RUNNER that is a really good chronicle of the process and struggles to get Ridley Scott's film made. Never shown in the US, the doc includes a scene that was left on the cutting room floor (which was probably a good idea). More importantly, Scott reveals at the very end of the doc whether Dekkard was or wasn't a replicant. Watch it and find out!

PART ONE



PART TWO



PART THREE



PART FOUR



PART FIVE



PART SIX

LOW RENT BATMAN & SLACKER ROBIN

This fan film is a true classic; the perfect mix of amateur technique, wooden acting, and unintentional (and intentional) humor. AN inspired waste of 6 minutes!

Favorite moments: Robin's karate chop. "Oh no!" The Riddler's accent. The expert fight choreography. Batman providing his own fight sound effects (Doosh!). The wind blowing across the mics. The final Bat dance. Holding hands!

JON STEWART VS THE WORLD (of idiots)

• JOHN MCCAIN
• JOHN BOLTON Pt1, Pt2
• NANCY GRACE (a hard-on for resonable doubt)
• TUCKER CARLSON
• BILL BENNETT
  
  

TASTY!

1. Cobra is the Citizen Kane of Bidgette Nelson movies.

2. Headline + Columnist's picture = Heebie Jeebies

3. Children’s TV rock bands or bad acid trip?

4. Another upstanding citizen employed by Fox News.

5. Sexy Silver Shiny Middle-Aged Men

6. A practical guide to power-napping

7. 100 of the best april fools pranks...

#7: Alabama Changes the Value of PiThe April 1998 issue of the New Mexicans for Science and Reason newsletter contained an article claiming that the Alabama state legislature had voted to change the value of the mathematical constant pi from 3.14159 to the 'Biblical value' of 3.0. Before long the article had made its way onto the internet, and then it rapidly made its way around the world, forwarded by people in their email. It only became apparent how far the article had spread when the Alabama legislature began receiving hundreds of calls from people protesting the legislation. The original article, which was intended as a parody of legislative attempts to circumscribe the teaching of evolution, was written by a physicist named Mark Boslough.

BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE I ROCK & ROLLED

As an editor I always hate when my writers give me an excuse for why they blew their deadline. I'm sure there are many legitimate reasons for why they couldn't deliver on their professional promise but the truth is, I don't want to hear 'em. I just want the work in when it's due because if it's not it means more work for me.

So, I'm not going to offer up any lame excuses for my absence these past two weeks... except to say, "it's all George Bush's fault." I mean, he's screwing up everything else in this country (and a few others to boot) so why not my blog? That son-of-a-bitch has always had it out for me.

Anyway, to properly express my depression and rage I offer up this brilliant distillation of pain and suffering.

I always knew it wasn't easy being green but I had no idea how much it Hurt.

FAUX NEWS

1. Biting the hand that feeds...






2. Even in another language the humor still comes through.
3. Cheney gets loaded and unloads on his buddy.
4. Colbert vs O'Reilly




5. Jon Stewart on The O'Reilly

BULLSH%T!

So, Penn & Teller have this series on Showtime where they go around debunking notions of 'common wisdom' and self-righteous positioning. Occassionally, they just smash on stuff they think is just plain stupid, like near-death visions, etc. Even if you bristle at their forays into liberal cause bashing (getting hippies to sign a petition banning water is particularly amusing) the show is informative and entertaining as hell. Here are a few choice segments...




PETA unmasked...





The Drug War (pt1)




pt 2, pt 3

THE MEDIA AMINS




DON'T BE NIT-PICKY




AH, WHEN CHILDREN'S SHOWS WERE FREE OF SEXUAL INNUENDO

"...like a bunch of commies high on potato juice."

Okay, this is pretty cool. Conan O'Brien and Andy Richter have developed a new sitcom for NBC about a straight-laced accountant who accidentally falls into the seedy underworld of private investigation. Now, I've always been a fan of Richter, ever since he used to perform in the Brady Show at Chicago's Annoyance Theater many years ago. He was Conan's side-kick for many years and a damn funny guy who's never quite gotten his due. FOX gave him a show a few years back and I'll never forget the episode where he finally gets the really hot chick at work to date him only to find out she's a rabid Anti-Semite.

Anyway, NBC has put up the first six episodes on the web for your viewing pleasure. I watched the first two and though it takes a little while to find its rhythm I found myself laughing out loud a more than a few times. I was also impressed by the cleverness of the scripts. It really makes the most of its 22 minutes. Check it out.

http://www.nbc.com/Video/rewind/full_episodes/andybarker.shtml?show=andybarker01

VADERAMA!

God, I was such a Star Wars geek as a kid. The film opened when I was 12, only days after my birthday, and I spent half the summer blowing my allowance on screenings (13 times in two and a half months) and action figures. About 10 years ago my sister sold off all my original (and pristine) Star Wars toys at a garage sale for pennies on the dollar. It still hurts my stomach to think of the thousands of dollars I could have put toward something like, oh I don't know, my kid's college education. I picture the comic book store owner from The Simpsons drooling over the 10 cent per figure box and then haggling my sister down to $5 for the entire collection. Here are just a few of the items I had (some in their boxes)... 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. That's nearly $1200... and I'm ashamed I had a whole helluva lot more.

Anyway, I recently watched the first movie with my (almost) five year old son, Nate, and while he loved it, I found the first half pretty draggy. Once they got on board the Deathstar, however, the film was a real blast.

The trilogy of prequels that Lucas put out over the past decade can only be described as unadulterated crap. Comedian Brian Posehn compared Phantom Menace to being molested by your uncle while you're an adult. I couldn't agree more (wish I could find a clip).

Anyway, in celebration of the ultimate asthmatic villain rustedeye offers up these delectable Darth links:

1. Darth is a dick.


2. Japanese Darth Vader comedy sketch


3. Tom Cruise IS the evil Emporer


4. Jimmy Fallon as Anakin Skywalker (aka Darth Vader)


5. My favorite Vader parody (a repeat)


6. The Vader Sessions

THIS WEEK'S FUNNIES

After all these years Letterman still manages to be funny and relevant.




...and more from the ever-reliable Jon Stewart