"Love Ain't Nothing but Sex Misspelled"
-Harlan Ellison

1. Valentines is bad for your health.

Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love, though I'd stepped in it a few times.
-Rita Rudner

2. Amazon's bad gift ideas for valentines day. My favorites are: All About Scabs and Tapeworms: A Medical Dictionary.

Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.
-Matt Groening

3. A wedding photo you'll never forget.

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
-Samuel Johnson

4. When Harry Stalked Sally.

Your heart is my piñata.
-Chuck Palahniuk

5. 40 awesomely bad love songs. Play 'em for that special someone!

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.
-Woody Allen