ONLY IN FLORIDA

The blessed place of my birth. For some reason after I left all the freaks moved in. And then they got George Bush installed as President. Man, I hate that place.

1. Woman arrested for hitting self with frying pan. Huh? (with mugshot goodness)
2. "Please close your legs, sir." Man arrested for Xmas peep show.
3. Oh, the shoe-manity!
4. For thosetimes when you want to send the right message may I suggest urine?
5. She says: I was fired 'cuz I said Merry Christmas. He says: She was fired because she's a crazy bitch.

Of course, in Oregon, where I lived for nearly a decade, the locals are mad of sterner stuff. Case in point, this headline:

"Oregon woman, 88, fends off naked intruder by grabbing the man's crotch and squeezing."

Man, I miss Portland.

LIFE IN FLORIDA'S CONDO LAND

Most of its what you'd expect. But this one is chock full of Sunshine State goodness.

If you think these rules are silly or extreme, consider a deed-restricted development in Jasper County, near Hilton Head, S.C. In 1998 a developer bought 1,700 acres, a property called Delta Plantation, to subdivide for homes. The official covenants, as recorded in the county auditor's office, say the property may never be sold or leased "to any person or entity that may be described as being part of the Yankee race."

REASON #1026 NOT TO MOVE TO FLORIDA

The Sons of Confederate Veterans wants drivers in the Tampa area to see the massive flag — 30 feet high and 50 feet long — atop a 139-foot pole, the highest the Federal Aviation Authority would allow. It would be lit at night.

Read rest of the travesty... er ... article here

MORE FLORIDA GOODNESS

So, you may wonder why I smash on the Sunshine State. After all it is my native land. Yup, I was born in Miami.

Well, other than the fact that I blame Florida for giving us the neverending horrorshow that is George W. Bush, they are place that profoundly baffles and disturbs me. Is it the endless strip malls? Substandard housing that gets creamed by hurricanes over and over again? Independent state of Disney? Bizarre police-state communities that enforce lawn lengths, house colors and prohibit children? --Which is not only evil in my book but flies in the face of what America stands for.

Well, yeah, I guess it could be those things. But mostly it's that they generate so much f*#cked up news.

Enjoy this new classic...

Florida mother jailed for caging son