THE EMO HAIKU GENERATOR

darkness surrounds me

God hates me, I hate god back.

Tell me why I tried.

Express yourself here.

AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER

The stuff of nightmares...

DREAMS DO COME TRUE

Ah, if only I had a supportive family like this.

Question Of The Day: Did God give you a nice juicy tushy?

Garrison Keillor:

Folksy Mark Twain wannabe or Prince of Darkness?

You make the call...

-Dan Savage has some choice words for Keillor's view of marriage... which he no doubt fashioned from years of failure and infidelity.

-Keillor takes on a sweet-faced Ho. More here.

-Keillor goes after the Republican party... then offers an apology.

-Keillor: healthcare and the war.

-The hatemongers perspective.

-Slate HEARTS Garrison.

-Keillor's terrific essay: The Poetry Judge.

Please feel free to weigh in in the comment section.

OUR BOOMER PARENTS DID ALL THE DRUGS, HAD ALL THE SEX AND SHOPPED AT JC PENNY'S WHEN IT WAS COOL

and all we got was AIDS, Nancy "Just Say No" Reagan and stores filled with Cabbage Patch Kids. Gee, thanks Mom and Pop.

See more grooviness here.

TODAY'S SCARY NEWS STORY:
REFUSE TO TEACH CREATIONISM, GET FIRED!

"I'm just a little bit shocked myself that a college in good standing would back up students who insist that people who have been through college and have a master's degree, a couple actually, have to teach that there were such things as talking snakes or lose their job," Bitterman said.

Read about it here.

OUR BASTARD COULD LEARN A THING OR TWO
FROM THEIR BASTARD

Say what you will about Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (and much of it is well deserved), at least the guy has the balls to take questions from a hostile audience. When you consider that 'ol George Bush refused to let anyone that wasn't a die-hard Republican attend one of his town hall meetings or campaign speeches you begin to realize what an arrogant, insecure pussy our commander-in-chief really is.

I mean, his cult... er... supporters actually escorted people out if they had bumper stickers on their car that didn't jibe with BushCo politics. Can you even imagine Georgie Boy allowing himself to listen to a comment like: "Mr. President, you exhibit all the signs of a petty and cruel dictator"?

All that aside, it was good to see Ahmadinejad and his caveman view of the world put up to ridicule. Read about it here.

Best quote:

"In Iran we don't have homosexuals like you do in your country. In Iran, we do not have this phenomenon. I do not know who has told you that we have it."

WHAT DOES THE POOL BOY HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THE FIRST FAMILY?

Read here.

BUT DID YOU EVER THINK THAT MAYBE

ALIENS ARE JUST PLAIN ANTI-SEMITIC?

http://wcbstv.com/video/?id=103787@wcbs.dayport.com

I LIKE THIS. A LOT.

WHAT TEENAGE GIRLS SHOULD ASPIRE TO...

Apparently we need more maps to identify "The Iraq" and help people in South Africa. Which is so, you know, freakin' cool.

ALBERTO, WE HARDLY KNEW YE...

TALES OF CORPORATE DOUCHE BAGGERY

• Thinking of shoplifting? Try Home Depot.
• It's not CompUSA's fault you were stupid enough to think something was in the box.
• Okay, gathering crash data I kinda get. But what about all the other stuff (seatbelt usage, speed, etc) corporations will have access to? I'm sure that won't be reflected in your insurance premiums.
• Corporations: is the fact that they attract psychopaths the chicken or the egg?
• Company sues Google for libel because "it's too much work to figure out who was actually responsible."
• Made In China = Take Your Life In Your Own Hands

WALMART'S CONTINUED CAMPAIGN OF EVIL

• And the difference between this and slavery is what?
• "When Karen Armatrout died in 1997, her employer, Wal-Mart, collected thousands of dollars on a life insurance policy the retail giant had taken out without telling her, according to a lawsuit filed in U.S. District Court."
• Wal-Mart stands behinds the products it sells. Unless, of course, death or disfigurement occurs. Then it's someone else's fault.

NOT SURE WHERE THE CANDIDATES STAND ON ISSUES?

Check out this handy-dandy chart.

You know, reduced to a simple set of facts they all pretty much suck.

CLIFF & DOUGY SCHECTER = ADOLF HITLER

A SKULL A DAY...

...will probably get you on the "no fly" list.

This is one nifty blog. Every day they post a skull image. Some are simply amazing... like this "bar of skull."

Other faves include: BBQ skull, styro-skull, wood burning skull, and plastic bag skull.

THE SIGNS, THEY ARE UPON US

I love stuff like this... photo mashups of signs. Some made me laugh out loud.

Check out the rest here.

FREEDOM IS UNDER ATTACK

"If they come for your freedom, you must not only resist, you must strike back with a vengeance that will stun them. "




It's not a conspiracy theory or hypothetical. It's very real and very near. Corportions and politicians are already drafting laws to restrict the net.

The Internet is an incredible tool for human expression and connectivity. It is pathetically ironic that the country that screams loudest about "freedom" is doing everything it can to restrict one of the greatest tools for freedom to come along since the printing press. Support net neutrality!

IRAQ: Yup that's about it...

DO NOT TAUNT HAPPY FUN BALL

I love this...